I have come to hate the buffalo gnat even more than the dreaded and terrifying five-inch flying cockroach. They bite and invade every bit of your body – eyes, ears, nose, the sensitive skin on the inside of your elbow. The only silver lining I can find is that they are potentially an additional source of protein for those on the Keto diet who might boldly open their mouths for even just a second while outdoors. They ride along on dog fur so that they can lazily snack their mornings away. They leave large red welts where they’ve attacked requiring one’s face, neck and body to be covered in repellents at all times. They swarm and follow along once they’ve found someone or some dog to feed on. They make it impossible to flip a burger or pull weeds for even five minutes.

They are invaders this spring from cooler northern climates but seem to have settled in to their southern home with aggressive gusto, biting their way through central Mississippi. Nobody is immune as their unceasing bites drive mammals indoors, completely taking over their new habitat.

We have amassed an arsenal against them: cooking supplies (vanilla from the Kroger), all natural chemical free specialty items (from the Whole Foods refined shea butter and essential oils: peppermint, cedar wood, tea tree, eucalyptus), and the big guns (Amazoned Buggins Clean Scent with DEET and Buggins natural vanilla mint rose without the evil deet – both making claims to repel gnats specifically). This morning the dogs wore no deet spray, I wore the spray with deet and a bit of vanilla behind my ears, and Tony went Shea butter with tea tree. Each option worked well for at least 15 minutes – which turns out to be the application period required to keep these blood sucking monsters away. The sprays seemed to work the best and are scented to be as lovely as their natural counterparts. I don’t even care that I smell like a bakery with all of the vanilla behind my ears.

I can’t remember the last time I put so much effort into something. It feels imperative to stop what I’m doing and just put all of this on my body every 15 minutes. It’s like a full-time job.